Condemned to the world of fables
by BBento
Summary: Matthew Williams is always ignored...always forgotten. After all the years of social neglect, his barrier is beginning to break down. All he really wants is a friend, someone to be there to talk to that will agnowledge him...Will he find a friend, or a lover before the cracks in his heart are too overwhelming to fix? Rated M for themes of violence, depression, & some sexual themes.
1. Prolog: How it all began

_I've always over-thought things like this. It happens every time. Almost like, when you say a word too many times it looses its meaning. Except… how can you forget something so important?_

He glanced at his watch, tilting it towards the faint light that came through the window in order to read the face. 8:46; it wasn't even late yet.

"Who?" A small voice piped up beside him.

Turning towards the bear beside him, Matthew smiled softly at Kumajiro, hiding the sadness of that word. Even his best friend…, who had been with him for such a long time, couldn't even remember who he was. "I'm Canada…"

Matthew's mid began to wander in the silence, when he was snapped back to reality by the sound of his front door opening loudly. He jumped slightly, and blinked his eyes when the light was turned on suddenly.

"Hey, don't you ever turn any lights on in this place?" Matthew caught sight of his brother as he walked past the doorway. He stopped, noticing Matthew, and turned towards him.

"Oh…no I do, I just had fallen asleep…"

Another figure slipped past Alfred into the room, and smiled at the Canadian. "Crazy Canada, jus' sitting in ze dark, non?"

"Hi Francis." Said Matthew, smiling at him politely in return. "Do you need me for somethi-"

Alfred cut him off, and pulled the nation up from his comfy position. "Come get drunk with us, Matthew!" He said cheerily, slinging his arm around the Canadian's shoulder. Kumajiro looked up at the three blonde nations before lying back down and ignoring them.

Matthew shied away from Alfred's arm a bit; he wasn't used to close contact with very many people. He was usually just ignored. About to decline America's 'offer', Matthew was just opening his mouth to say something, but Alfred seemed to know what he was going to say, and instead didn't bother waiting for an answer and started pulling him towards the door. "Come on, come on… you should feel honored to go drinking with a hero!"

"B-but-" Once again, his sentence was cut off halfway as he forced into slipping on a pair of shoes, and he only barely managed to lock the door before being dragged down the sidewalk towards the nearest bar.

"See Francis, I told you that I could convince him to come along with us!" Alfred smiled smugly over at the French man, still leaning his arm on Matthew's shoulder as they walked. Matthew didn't drink alcohol, but decided to go with them and make sure that they –mostly Alfred- didn't do anything too reckless after a few drinks.

"Ohohon… although it seems more like it was forced onto Matthieu."

"Nah…see; he's not running off." Alfred responded, looking down at the quiet Canadian. "Right Matthew? You want to go with us."

"Well-"

"See? The dude wants to come, he said so himself. What more proof could you want?" He stopped talking as they arrived at the bar, and he walked inside with France and Canada alongside him. Canada looked around nervously; he wasn't comfortable in places with a lot of people, especially if he didn't know anyone. He wished that at least Kumajiro was with him.

"You'll meet up with us later?" Alfred turned towards Francis, pausing in his dragging Matthew to the bar. The French man nodded.

"Oui-" Just then, a woman caught his eye, and Francis left Matthew and Alfred in pursuit of her. "Pourquoi bonjour ... pourrais-je vous offrir quelque chose à boire?" Matthew could see from the confused look on her face that she obviously didn't know a word of French, and tried to walk away from Francis in vain; he only followed her, becoming more determined.

Snapped out of his thoughts, Canada found himself being lead towards the bar. "Hey Matthew let's ignore him and go drink!"

* * *

The next thing Matthew knew, he was unlocking the door of his house with shaky hands. After five unsuccessful tries, he managed to fit the key into the door and turn the doorknob, then promptly collapsed into the hallway. Kumajiro peeked around the corner to see what had crashed, he ran over when he found it was only his owner. Matthew was standing up, gaining support from the wall.

"Oh... h-hey Kumakiko…" Matthew was obviously drunk, staggering through his house towards his bedroom. Alfred had convinced him to actually drink a bit, and although he only had a few drinks –not that he could recall exactly how many- he was the type of person to be easily intoxicated, hence his current situation of having everything disoriented as he attempted to find the right room. He eventually did find it, and fell over onto the bed. Pulling a pillow towards him and clutching it against him while laying his head on another, Matthew closed his eyes. After all he had been through (Getting taken out into a crowded building against his will, and putting up with 'hero' America) all he really wanted to do was sleep. He hoped he hadn't said anything stupid earlier, and was trying to recall any of his conversations when he fell asleep, his glasses sitting slightly crooked over his face.

_Ah… I can't think straight. Why is everything so distorted? It must have been that alcohol… But for some reason…_

I can't remember why I was so sad earlier.


	2. Comfort from a fractured fantasy

**Author's note: Warning there are some sexual themes in this chapter! It doesn't go into detail, but just thought I'd let you know.  
**

* * *

Matthew sat quietly, holding Kumajiro on his lap. He was spacing out a bit, looking out the window, Alfred and Arthur arguing in the background about some plan.

_Well, at least no on sat on me today! Maybe I will even get the chance to speak… Right Kumojino?_

Matthew looked down at the polar bear, knowing that nothing would be different than any normal day. All he had were false hopes… and knowing this, he smiled sadly- not than anyone would notice or care.

_No… we know that's not true. I will just have to sit and wait like usual. It… it could be worse though. I will try and speak next time there is a meeting. I will practice what I will say… it will be great! You can help too, Kuma._

"China, you can back me up. Britain… you can back me up too-" Dictated America, stopping every few seconds to take a bite of the hamburger he was holding.

"I'm not backing you up… and for goodness sake stop eating before you die of a heart attack." Arthur said, still staring in disbelief at the quickly-disappearing pile of fast food in front of the American.

"Back you up? You an ass. Panda and I can do more than back people up."

Russia was still sitting quietly in his chair, smiling and simply watching. "I lov it when everybody gets along."

Matthew wasn't paying much attention to the disagreeing countries, and absent-mindedly glanced around at the room. He saw a small figure slip through the door unnoticed, and quietly sat down in the empty seat next to China.

While Arthur and Alfred were still arguing, the boy seemed to have an idea of his own. He joined into their conversation so that they would listen to his suggestion.

"Hey what if we-" His sentence was cut off when England heard anther British accent; and he recognized the small nation almost instantly.

"Sealand what are you doing here?"

"I'm a country too, so I can come to your meetings-"

"No you cannot!"

"Jerk England!"

* * *

After the meeting was over, Matthew carried Kumajiro through the doors, but not before taking one last look at the scribbles and diagrams written on the chalkboard. They didn't make any sense- Arthur and Alfred had been arguing over control of the meeting the whole time, and as a result there were many drawings that didn't add up to others because of the opposite viewpoints. It was easy to tell who wrote what, though. America's usually included bad drawings, and his name was listed often; while England had neat diagrams and handwriting that was crossed out by Alfred many times.

Walking down the hallway, Matthew heard the bickering of friends and couldn't resist looking into the room where it came from. Italy was bugging Germany again. He could see Kiku watching in the background with a blank, but almost amused expression.

"Please, please, please, please, pretty please?"

"Nein. I don't know vhy you act like such a child."

"Aw… but Lud, it's just football…"

Seeing the two arguing made Matthew almost sad. He could see the playfulness in the words; the way of speaking to someone that only close friends had access to. He smiled softly, before slipping out back into the hallway. What the Canadian didn't know was that Kiku had seen him watching quietly from the doorway, although he didn't know who he was.

"Hey Kiku, do you think Lud should play football with me?"

"It doesn't seem rike Rudwig-san wants to…"

"That's-a why I'm asking you~"

Their conversation was out of earshot once Matthew began walking towards the door of the building. A few people bumped into him, not noticing his presence, but he eventually he made it to the room and quietly slipped through the door. The room was empty- it was, after all, just a spare room. Mathew always used it for opening paths since no one could see him when he was alone like this; he didn't like the attention that opening a portal within a group of people brought him (he wants people to notice him, sure, but when you open a portal in front of other nations most of them usually turn to look and see who's leaving). Raising his hand, he saw the dark entrance open before him, the way into the paths. He felt Kumajiro shudder in his arms a bit. Most nation pets were used to the paths and their aura, but usually they still felt a bit of unease from the magic.

"It's alright Kuma… we will be home pretty quick, so you don't have to be in the paths for a very long time."

Stepping forward, the Canadian entered the paths. The opening closed behind him, leaving him standing in the middle of his living room, and Matthew was surprised to hear a knock at his door. He gently set Kumajiro down and hung up his coat before going to answer the frequent knocking.

"Hello-"

It all happened in just a few seconds; Matthew was cut off when the door was forced open, and a figure slipped behind him and wrapped one arm around his torso to keep him there. Matthew didn't move; the touch was so familiar, he knew instantly who it belonged to. Too familiar. A cold breeze blew through the open doorway, causing Matthew to shiver slightly and wish that he had kept his coat on.

"Ah, Mautt… you are still so cute." He voiced; lips placed beside the Canadian's ear.

_Why did he come back? I thought he left. I hoped that I would never have to feel this touch again._

"…Gil…"

_It's not like I don't care for him, I do… but I don't love him. He knows that, I think. I just wish that he would at least trust in me enough to tell me why he pretends so…_

"How about you and me go have some fun, hmm?" The albino began absent-mindedly running his hand through Matthew's hair, just like he used to do all the time.

_Well… I guess the same goes for me, too. Why do we pretend?_

"Gil… Gil, why are you here?"

"Why wouldn't se awesome Prussia be here?" In a lower voice he added; "I never really left." He had been eyeing up the Canadian's curl, and he slid his hand over Matthew's head towards it.

"H-hey! Don't touch my curl!" In vain, Matthew attempted to try and break free of Gilbert's grip, only to be held tighter. He pulled his hands up to Gilbert's arm and tried to pry it away, although that didn't work either.

The Prussian laughed. "Daun't touch it? So you mean you daun't like sis?" Gilbert grinned and pulled on the curl with a fair amount of pressure, causing Matthew to admit a small moan.

_This brings back too many memories. Gil…if you ever loved me, then please…don't do what I think you're about to do… You know I don't want this_.

"It's good to have you back in my arms, Matt. I missed you."

_I only wish that I could say the same…  
_

* * *

Matthew breathed in the familiar cold winter air and exhaled; his breath freezing, then dissipating like smoke. It was a quiet night. The only things that moved were the ever-slowly falling snow, and Matthew. He walked under a streetlight, the dim yellow glow briefly illuminating his whole face before casting it into the shadows once again. The reflections off of his glasses were the only thing that hid the expression in his eyes; deep and thoughtful…with a darker intention.

_-We are in my bedroom now. Gilbert is kneeling over me on the bed. I'm blushing, and I probably look so pathetic- I can't help it, that curl of mine just has that effect on me. Hands….your hands, gently sliding up my shirt. This touch is probably the only thing that I would be able to recognize anywhere, no matter what. __**Gil…why did you come back?**__-_

Seeing a nearby bench, it seemed as good a place as any to sit right now. Matthew dusted off the powdery snow before putting his gloved hands in his pockets and leaning back against the bench. He had slipped out when Gilbert was asleep to go for a walk… to just think for a while.

_-It hurt more than usual this time; I haven't done something like this with Gil since we broke up eight months ago. I don't enjoy this as much as you do… but nonetheless, I gripped your arm for something to hold onto. Our eyes met.__** You have something you aren't telling me. Please…after all we've been through together, can't you tell me? I want to help you…**__-_

The blonde sighed quietly. Everything was so confusing. Snow was beginning to collect on the Canadian's sweater, so he stood up and dusted it off. Staying in one place would have Matthew ending up a snowman; he started walking aimlessly down the sidewalk once again.

_-"Aaah…. Gil… can… can we stop, please? I'm getting tired…." You can go for such a long time, I forgot. "Just a bit longer, Mattie." __**Why does his voice sound so soft when he talks to me like this?**__ I felt his lips on mine… they are very soft, just like they always have been. It's the only way I know how to comfort you, so I kiss you back. Right now, you're the only thing that I can see, feel, smell…breathe. The kiss breaks when I let out a small gasp. My body arches once again, in that feeling of pleasure. That hated feeling. We are both panting, it's the only sound in the room. Your breath is hot on my neck…and likewise, mine on your chest. We stayed together like that in silence for what seemed like hours. After we had washed up a bit, it was back to the bed for some sleep. You held me against you, and I held you back. __**Only because I know that's what you want me to do. Only because I want to comfort that hurt… you know, the one that remains silent, even to me. **__Once I heard your breaths slow, I slipped out from the covers and got dressed. I just wanted to think….-_

_So why am I still thinking about what's already happened?_

Matthew just happened to look over, and noticed the bar that Alfred had dragged him off to a few months ago.

_I remember that I forgot, if that makes any sense. Forgetting all these complicating emotions…. Doesn't sound too bad. Maybe…just once._Just once.

He didn't drink enough to make himself pass out or do anything too stupid; he wasn't that type of drunk, anyways. Matthew was more of a quiet, depressing man when he was drunk. He found his way home, and into his spare bedroom. He didn't want to be with Gilbert right now, much less have the older nation smell the alcohol on his breath.

_It did make me forget, after all. Just like last time… I think? Everything's really out of order…Nothing makes a real lot of sense. Oh well, as long as I'm not sad anymore! …right?  
_  
Even as he slept, Matthew had a dark look on his face. The face of someone who was broken… who's heart was slowly cracking into pieces; both from himself, and the world.

* * *

**Well, there's the second chapter! I hope it's alright... I was working through a bad writer's block. If there's any spelling errors or problems with any of their accents, please tell me so that I can change that.**  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any characters. The idea of the paths was from Crystal Kira (you should check out her stories, they are really good!), so I don't own that either. **  
**If you have time, maybe you could drop me a review~?**


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